Mythoblogia

OK, get out your grain of salt....

ARIES - The Martian. You are an alien amongst us all. You were cooked for 9 months, apparently immune to all astral influences until the instant when you popped out, fully formed yet tabula rasa: an empty slate, ready to be written upon. And at the precise moment of your birth - not when your bulbous head appeared, or your spindly arms or even your pudgy torso - but only when you were in a position to be "registered" as born (perhaps at that crucial point when the midwife tore off the gas mask and remembered to check their watch) - Mars stamped his warlike foot upon your brow.

Apart from "ouch", what does this mean to you? Who is this Mars character?

• Well you can go there right now, courtesy of Google Mars. Don't stay long, we have more for you here
  
• Or simply read about this spectacular red planet. You all come back now
• But this is not enough, for the real Mars is a Roman God, born of the Etruscan fields. Splendidly earthy stuff that explains why you love to dig dirt
  
• However that lovely bucolic Etruscan deity has become tainted by bloodlust. For Mars is forever linked to Ares (read Aries in English), the Greek god for just about the worst atrocities you can imagine, including the absolute barbarity that is war. Fabulous. I suppose some of you enjoy this sort of association, eh?
  

But you are here for the astrological side of things, so let's press on. You were born and stamped "Aries" because of your allocated Sun Sign. You were also kindly given an ascendant and all the rest of it. You were also allocated a fabulous new set of genes and a family of some sort, complete with an environment (good or bad) to grow up in. (But that's all of little importance as it's just the time and place that matters, for that's how astrology works.)

First up (an odd thing to say so far into the discussion) you must never trivialize or demean your allocated Sun Sign by looking at it in isolation. No, for whilst it is the dominant feature of your chart, it is a feature you must be prepared to modify relentlessly until you get the perfect fit with your self-perceived personality. You can do this by astute use of ascendants, other planets and their positions. This is after all the Art of the Astrologer, if not the science as well.

Having said all that, being a dominator yourself you'll understand that your Sun Sign is truly dominant - so let's discuss it now in some depth. Because you were born when and where you were (and assuming that to be Earth, for starters) you are automatically configured as a typical ARIES. So you are all - all of you - unfailingly outgoing, lovable and spontaneous people with a dark cloud hanging over you. That dark cloud seeks not only to give you a much-needed light shower every morning but to warn others that ARIES is to MARS as MARS is to snack bars. You are a market dominator with your enrobed bars and diversified range of snack products. Don't mess with an ARIES!

Yet you are also funny, an excellent kisser and quite slight in build with a shocking haircut. Despite this you remain adorable and lucky in relationships. Indeed, so lucky that you can't get enough of 'em. Oh, and family is very important to you as an Aries (unlike those other Sun Signs who spurn family ties, an Aries will collect such ties in a large closet). You are known also for a generous and giving nature that knows few bounds, bar the ones that bind. Hang with little old Aries you long enough - especially in a steamy, sordid relationship - and you are bound to get something (see your doctor if symptoms persist). Actually it's hard not to hang with you as you are as addictive as you are criminal in nature. Aries are great people for mass hangings, very loud and enthusiastic and of course always baying for more blood. But you know that.

And your best feature? You are always 'right'. This lends great stability to your personality and assists your friends in so many ways. Your proneness to increasingly persistent and impenetrable argument is both charming and disarming, causing your friends to wallow around in ecstatic circles, fawning over your immense intellect. Aries people represent simply the vast majority of the most powerful people on Earth, and you are all well aware of it.

• Favorite Aries color: Red
• Favorite Aries thing: Power
• Favorite Aries hobby: Sex
• Most common employment: Computer games industry
• Most Aries are: Baby-faced assassins

Labels: Aries, Astrology